Longevity Sucks.

And No One's Buying It

Marty Hendricks | October 20, 2025

Longevity has the worst marketing campaign in human history.

The longevity people have figured out something incredible - how to look and feel amazing every single day - and then they go and talk about it like this: "Well, if you do these things consistently for decades, you might live to be 100 with good cognitive function and avoid cardiovascular disease."

Congratulations. You just made it all sound like homework.

The $300 Million Marketing Disaster

Bryan Johnson spent over four million dollars developing his Blueprint protocol and became famous for trying to reverse his biological age. His routine works - his biomarkers improved dramatically. And you know what people say about him?

"If living like Johnson meant you could live forever - would it even be worth it?"

They look at a guy who's astoundingly healthy and fit for his age - able to work out and play sports with his son daily - and ask if his life is worth living. There's no problem with Bryan Johnson. There's a problem with the messaging.

Your Brain Doesn't Care About Tomorrow

Studies show people would rather take $100 today than $110 in one week. We're not being stupid. Our brains literally light up differently for immediate rewards versus future ones - the ventral striatum, medial prefrontal cortex, and orbitofrontal cortex all fire up when we can have something NOW.

In the famous marshmallow experiment, researchers put kids in a room with one marshmallow and said: "You can eat this now, or wait fifteen minutes and get two marshmallows." When both treats were visible right there on the table, not a single child could wait. These are kids being promised double the candy in less time than it takes to watch a YouTube video. And they couldn't do it.

That's present bias. It's the tendency to give stronger weight to rewards that are closer to the present time when considering trade-offs between two future moments. And every human walking around has this hardwired into their skull.

So when someone says "do these healthy things and in 40 years you'll thank me," your brain hears: "Would you like $100 in 2065?"

Hard pass.

About half of people in 13 European countries say they either 'occasionally' or 'most of the time' run out of money at the end of the pay period. These are folks who literally might not make rent, and we're trying to sell them on cardiovascular health in their 80s.

Present bias isn't a flaw - it's how human brains work. We prioritize immediate rewards even if they're smaller, over larger but delayed rewards. That's not changing. Ever.

So stop fighting it.

What Happens When You Go For a Run

Let me tell you what the longevity people should be screaming from rooftops:

Replacing just 15 minutes of sitting with 15 minutes of running reduces your odds of becoming depressed by 26%. Not in twenty years. That day. That week.

A single exercise session - even just five to thirty minutes - improves your mood immediately compared to doing nothing. Within minutes to hours after exercise, your brain floods with positive changes in neurotransmitters and neurophysiology.

Picture this: You wake up feeling like garbage. You drag yourself out for a 15-minute jog. By the time you're back home, your brain has released endorphins, increased dopamine and serotonin, and your body is humming with better blood flow and oxygen delivery. Even a 10-minute walk can improve your mood and reduce depressive symptoms.

You feel sharper. More alive. Like you can actually handle the day.

That's not a lifespan benefit. That's a this morning benefit.

The Cold

People keep saying cold showers might help you live longer.

Who. Cares.

After a five-minute cold bath, people reported feeling more active, alert, attentive, proud, and inspired, and less distressed and nervous - immediately. Not "potentially decades from now." The second they stepped out of the water.

Cold water triggers the release of dopamine and norepinephrine - neurotransmitters that control arousal, attention, and motivation. Studies show people feel more active, attentive, and alert after cold-water immersion.

You know that feeling when you accidentally get hit with cold water and suddenly you're AWAKE? That rush of adrenaline shifts your nervous system into a more alert and focused state. That's not discomfort for a future payoff. That's an immediate state change.

One study found that people who take cold showers are 29% less likely to call in sick for work or school. And they feel better every single day they do it.

Your Mind

A single 25-minute meditation session significantly improved mood states and reduced total distress compared to listening to an audiobook. One session. Twenty-five minutes.

Both exercise and meditation reduced fatigue immediately, but only meditation resulted in a statistically significant improvement of overall mood profile after just one 10-minute session.

People with zero meditation experience showed faster reaction times and better cognitive performance after just a single 10-minute guided meditation compared to baseline. First time. Ten minutes. Better brain function within the hour.

Think about that. You can sit still for the length of a podcast intro and your brain works better for the rest of the day.

The Biggest Crime

Here's what's insane: the longevity people know all this.

They go for their morning run and feel electric during the day. They meditate and their anxiety drops. They take a cold shower and walk into their day feeling like they could fight a bear.

And then they talk about... their VO2 max scores. Their epigenetic age. How many more years they might add to their lifespan.

There's a joke I heard: running only increases your lifespan by exactly the amount of time you spent running.

That's the most brain-dead take I've ever heard, but people believe it. Because that's what they think longevity is about—time spent suffering now for time earned later.

Tell the Truth

If you want someone to exercise, meditate, eat well, and do all this "longevity" stuff, tell them the truth:

This stuff makes you feel incredible today. Right now. This morning. This afternoon.

You'll have more energy. Your mood will be better. You'll be sharper. You'll feel stronger. You'll sleep better tonight. You'll wake up better tomorrow.

That's the pitch. That's always been the pitch. That should be the only pitch.

And if - as a total bonus, a side effect you barely even think about - you also happen to live longer and stay out of the hospital and keep your brain sharp and your skin looking good and your joints working... well, that's just extra.

Longevity Sucks

The word itself sucks. The whole frame sucks.

Nobody wakes up thinking "man, I really want to optimize my lifespan today." They wake up thinking "I feel like trash and I have nine hours of meetings."

Exercise produces immediate benefits for affect and cognition. So does cold exposure. So does meditation. So does eating real food that doesn't make you feel like garbage.

These aren't longevity practices. They're today practices.

They're the best drug you'll ever take. They compound. They make everything else in your life better. They make you better. Not in fifty years. Today.

Stop talking about living to 100. Start talking about not feeling like death at 10 AM.

That's a deal people will actually take.

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